So I am still stuck in the same place I've been for the last year or so. Life stopped for a while and although I did complain a lot, and I mean A LOT, about it for a while, I have to admit I am OH SO THANKFUL it did.

So I did everything by the book. I had a plan. I went to school, I graduated. I had a job. Then I met hubby and that meant leaving things behind to move to the US. I did. We planned for baby#1. He (Thomas) came exactly when we wanted (how many people can actually say that, hu?) - after hubby graduated and I got pregnant so I'd deliver before summer, trying not to be miserable when it's 90 degrees outside... and baby was born April 29th! Perfect! And right around this time things stopped going according to plans... I was about 7 months pregnant when hubby lost his job. That was February. We were renting (thank God!). We decided to give the house back to the landlords and I decided to come back here (here is Brazil) and bring baby for my family to meet while hubby would stay with his brother and look for a new job and a new place. I arrived here the day baby was turning 4 months AND I FOUND OUT THE DAY BEFORE THAT I WAS ALREADY 2 MONTHS PREGNANT. And the plan was to stay until a little after Xmas. Unfortunately my dad has a stroke in the beginning of November and was in and out of the ICU for 4 months. I just could not go back to the US. Plus, hubby could not find a job so he was here most of this time supporting me - pregnant, with a little baby in my arms and my SO BELOVED AND NOW MISSED FATHER in the hospital. Dad passed away on March 8th, 3 weeks before I gave birth to Nicholas - baby #2. Nicholas was born March 29th, exactly 11 months after his big brother Thomas and exactly 3 weeks after my dad passed. I thought I was going to die, anyone who has ever lost a father who they adored knows the feeling, but add that a baby and a pregnancy and you have a recipe for a breakdown. But oh GOD IS GREAT! He took my husband's job so I could come and my father could meet his first grandchild. So I could be here to hold his hand for long hours at the hospital. So I could kiss him, hold him, laugh, cry, and pray. So I could be here and have the support of my small but very close family. So I could hug my brother at that horrible time we just don't ever want to come. God kept my husband unemployed for OVER ONE YEAR so he could be here with me (and even gave him airline privileges through an AWESOME friend so he wouldn't spend much traveling back and forth). God knew I needed him by my side. And then, on the same week my father passed away hubby got a job offer! He asked the people if they could wait for him (he explained I had just lost my father AND I was due anytime). And they did. So now hubby has a job in the US. I am still here because I just had my gallbladder removed (gallstones) and because hubby now is looking for a place for us! Then he's coming to get us (I do NOT look forward to traveling with 2 babies) so I don't have problems with immigration (I have been away from the US for almost one year).

Anyway, I finally felt I was able to write about this so difficult times. It is never easy, but I do have to be thankful for having the opportunity to be here and be with my father, and say goodbye and come to peace with everything that's happened.

My dad was only 61 years old, SO SMART, SO HANDSOME... I really wish he had met Nicholas, but God knows best and with that I am ok.

April 29th, 2010

Today is a very special day: we are celebrating my baby's first year! I can't believe he is turning ONE today! So cute, so special, SON, MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!

Today also my second son is ONE MONTH!

Yes, now I am a happy mother of what they call "Irish twins". Thomas Roque (the oldest) and Nicholas Joaquim (the youngest) are exactly 11 months apart. And they are cute as can be.

Nicholas Joaquim

Thomas Roque

...over 2 years later... it is all so different

It's been a very long while since I wrote here, but since I was talking to my sister-in-law (that right now is more like a sister to me) and she mentioned she started a blog for her company, I decided to come back here and see where I had left things at.

I was reading the post about the winter in the US ... well, spring did come after the cold, nasty winter. Do you know the song "Here comes the sun" by The Beatles? It has a whole new meaning to me after living in Chicago. I had heard the song before and never bothered to stop and pay attention to the words, but after my first winter there, OMG... Now I get it...

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,

and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter

Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,

and I say it's all right

It's all right

And all of a sudden... It made sense!

I am so tired today that I do not feel like writing.
Leave it for when I'm in a better mood.
Hope that is tomorrow!
Good night!

Adjusting 2: This freaking weather

I am Brazilian. I came from the tropics. Belo Horizonte (my hometown) is up in the mountains, about 300 miles northwest from Rio de Janeiro (and not as hot as Rio). The winter gets as cold as 53 F. Usually jeans and a sweater will keep you warm.
I arrived in the US in the summer. It was end of June, and it was great. I had a great time and Chicago looks absolutely fabulous during summer. But OH MY GOD!, the temperatures change SO MUCH in one day that I never really knew what to wear. I brought with me all my cute summer dresses, all from Brazil, colorful, short, really nice. First day I had one on I had to hold the skirt ALL THE TIME because of the wind. Now I understand why the ladies here wear shorts and capris.
One day it was about 90F and a few hours later, on the same day, the temperature dropped to 50. I thought I was going to freeze! So another lesson learnt: always keep a sweater in the car.
Then FALL arrived. I saw fall for the first time. Coming from a tropical country I had never really seen fall (or any other season, as a matter of fact). I saw birds migrating for the first time. BEAUTIFUL! And I saw orange trees for the first time. Also BEAUTIFUL! Fall is really really beautiful, but extremely short. I was cold and complaining a lot. I did not think I could handle much colder than the 40 something degrees. It was the coldest temperature I had ever seen. People kept telling me "wait, it will get worse, you will see." I really did not think much of it, I did not think it would get much worse. Hm. Silly me.
November was cold and people told me "wait until January and February". Now I know what they meant. OH MY GOD!

I had never seen snow (which is really pretty when it's falling and on the first day - if you do not have to wake up early and go to work). After 2 or 3 days it gets dirty and grey and ugly and depressing. And then I was told "if it is snowing it means it is not that cold, it won't snow if it is too cold out". When temperature drops to single digits it is a whole different story: you just freeze, hate and curse it.
One day I was talking to my dad on the phone and he asked "what is the temperature there?" I said "It's 32" and he said "Oh, really! It is 32 here too!" YEAH RIGHT: 32 F here and 32 C there (about 90 F). I want to go back!
In November I bought a car. My in-laws gave me this scraper-brush-like-thing that I had no idea what it was. "what is it?" I thought it was one of those brushes to clean the toilet. "You leave it in your car". "In my car? What for?" They replied "You'll need it to clean the car when it snows, you'll see". And I did. Just one of the things I never thought I'd see.

I am waiting anxiously for spring. It will be nice to see the sun and the flowers blooming - and some colors and people smiling. I am tired of all the grey and sadness. It can be very depressing, mainly because it lasts so long. (and that groundhog had to see his shadow and hide...)

Flowers from Hubby

Today I got flowers from Hubby. Delivered to the office, it made me feel very special! And it came with a VERY sweet note that reads:

“just to let you know how much I love you! I also want you to know how much I love you and respect you for everything. You left your life to be with me and you are an amazing person for that and many other things. You are the love of my life and we will be together forever and a week++++
-Love, your Hubby”

Sweet, sweet, sweet! THAT makes adjusting WAY easier, no? I am very lucky!

Adjusting 1

There is a list of things I saw and experienced for the first time when I moved to the United States with my husband.
To make a long story short, I am Brazilian, he is American. We met online, he went to Brazil for one year and we got married there. Then I moved to the US last June (2007).
Of course A LOT of adjustments were (and still are) necessary. And that is one of the main reasons I wanted to create a blog. To be able to "tell" people what is going on in my mind. And since I do not have any good friends here (yet), writing might make things a little bit easier for me.
I'll try to write as things come to mind.

Adjustment 1: being married. I spent 29 years of my life as a single woman. I lived in a HUGE condo in Brazil (with mom, of course, but still - and when he was in Brazil he was there with my family), I had my own bedroom, my own bed, my own closet. Sharing was not an issue, I have only one brother (who I LOVE dearly), but the only thing we really shared was the bathroom and even that I had control over and he (poor thing) used to complain to the walls, because I never really cared. Now I am married. And more, I live with my husband's mother and her partner (payback??). I really appreciate her taking us in, but from having my own everything to living in her basement... big difference. Poor hubby, I took ALL of his clothes from the closet. My things are there now. And as he says "my shit is stuff and other people's stuff is shit". His "shit" is all over the basement. So he knows how to share. I am lucky, but I do believe I deserve it. I moved here, didn't I? I left it all behind, didn't I?
Oh well, so now we share a bed. And the bathroom. And we shared the closet before I took over it. We also share a bank account. Two actualluy. And I also share his debts. And he shares mine. And we are doing just fine. He is great and hopefully we will be moving out soon - as soon as he graduates, next May.